If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
