hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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