First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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