i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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