He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
