Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
