My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I deserve this hangover.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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