whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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