i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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