Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
