The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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