I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
