She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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