And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Girls should come with a carfax report
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
