Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
