Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
