I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
