Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
