The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
