guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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