i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
