your room smells of hookers.
And success
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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