i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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