I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
