I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
