My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
