I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
