The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
