My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
