i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
