i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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