i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
