How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
