You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
