she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
