Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
