what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
