i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
