I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
