but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
