that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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