I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
