He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
