You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
