you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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