It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm both gender and math confused
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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