I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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