If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
