talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
