It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
