she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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