The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
