You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
