i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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