And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
