forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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